Abusive Forum Syndrome: Getting out!

This might be part one, or might be standalone. I got another thing I want to write about too, so after this I'll take an interlude.

Tonight's topic though is how to leave an abusive forum!

If you read my last article, "I Hate Your Forum - Please Unban Me"--it was about recognising whether your favourite online community is in fact a cesspool of emotional and psychological abuse. Now let's assume it is, and you want out.

Leaving is not as simple as people might think. The abusive forum has a pull on you. Remember one thing to start from: You are not a bad human being! These people crapping on you in this place aren't doing so because of failures on your part. They are being abusive and controlling of you, and the best sign of this is you feel guilty, inadequate, and constantly unable to live up to their expectations. You keep coming back hoping today will be the day that things get better.

It won't get better! It will only get worse.

Or, you may think that if you improve your writing a bit, do this, or don't do that, that it'll get better.

It won't! Changing will not stop the abuse!

One good way to loosen the vice of abuse is by joining a second community. Aside from having good real life connexions, but let's assume you don't want to sever your involvement with your online fandom, or whatever scene online you're into in your hobbies. Let's say it's an RPG and you don't want to quit roleplaying.

So, join another RPG. Find a good one. Or even start your own, though this can be slow going at first. Remember--you won't have to quit the one you're currently in, either, and remember, you have no obligation to tell them you're joining another site, and if they give you a hard time about that, remember that's only one more sign they're trying to exert dominance and control over you.

One of the main things an abusive person or group will do is try and cut the victim off from outside support. You have to make sure this doesn't happen, or if it does, break out.

Once you find a non abusive, fun forum to spend your time in you may begin to see the ugly on the abusive site for what it is. Others that you might know who are nice on the abusive forum {if any} may even be persuaded to go over to your new site. Chances are they've been taking crap too.

The more time you spend outside the abusive forum/community, the less reliant you will feel on them and the more you will see their true colours.